I realized the other day that Sarah Palin might just drive me to self-inflicted violence against my own eardrums. Her entire rise to fame does nothing but confirm for me the concepts that A: All of life’s limitations can me made up for with a nice ass, and B: A little more than 35% of my country is legally brain dead.

There aren’t too many things as painful as seeing people I’ve known half my life, talking about yellow ribbons on Fox news. Unfuckingbelievable. Thank god I’m from Northfield.

Speaking of Northfield: It still shocks me how no one ever realized what was really going on down at the basketball courts. Every once in a while the cops would come around, but it was usually just to pick up Terry on a warrant or something. There is no way that kids could ever get away with that shit today.

I find it quite intriguing that if you aren’t from a middle eastern country and fly a plane into a government building, you’re not a terrorist….you’re just pissed off. Apparently, white americans can’t be terrorists. I mean, It’s not those guys ever did any crazy shit in the last 250 years or so.

I still can’t decide if the National floors direct girl is hot or not. I don’t even hear what she says during the commercials anymore, all I hear is my internal monologue debating itself. “Yeah, she looks kinda cute…but her face is huge”. I think she needs to do a commercial in bathing suit, just to get me off the fence one way or the other.

The Winter Olympics are so fucking boring with the exception of hockey and snowboarding. No one gives a shit about Ice dancing. Well, at least no one who I want to have a conversation with.

Oh Tiger Woods. You almost have to be impressed at the poontang bender that guy went on. I’m still not sure how more athletes haven’t taken a life lesson from Derek Jeter. Jeets spent the last decade giving most of hot america the herp and no one seems to give it a second thought. Why? Because he’s not married. He should teach a class for new pro athletes called “Kids, don’t be stupid”

While I’m talking about New York’s favorite son, I just have to say how nice it is to go into baseball season as a resident of titletown again. I’m always so much more relaxed during a championship offseason. I’m not even being cocky, deep down I actually think this Yankee team might be better than last years.

Finally, anything Rajon Rondo says I need to be vaccinated for, I’m fucking getting vaccinated for. Tomorrow