Hey Louisiana, F*ck you!

Posted by Chopper | News,Rants | Sunday 2 May 2010 11:20 PM

These people have to be either the unluckiest people on the face of the earth, or someone just has it out for them.

So. Here we are. The largest oil spill in US history, headed right for the Gulf coast. Meh, No big deal. They only have an ocean full of precious wildlife, and states that depend on it for economic survival.

Now, I’m not going to go on some big anti oil rant. There’s no point. No matter how many hybrid cars there are, or energy efficient windows, or natural gas solutions: We are slaves to the stuff. That’s not going to change. Not to mention, accidents happen. You can’t be perfect 100% of the time when it comes to anything really. That’s just the risk you take. You can’t drive to work everyday and not accept that fact. That’s just the reality of the situation.

What I am pissed about however, is the response to this nightmare. Or quite frankly, the utter lack thereof.

I like my President. Sure, I disagree with him on a few things. But overall, I support the guy. Well, not this time. 12 days. You let this shit fester for 12 fucking days before you got off your ass and headed to Louisiana. I mean, WTF?? Seriously? After everything that happened with Hurricane Katrina? The President who is supposed to be for the common man was too busy cracking jokes at a state dinner with that suckbag Jay Leno to get his ass in gear? Where was the Navy and the Coast Guard with oil booms? Why was BP left alone to deal with this for over a week when we have the unlimited resources of the United States of America? Of course they said they could handle it. What else were they going to say? You’re telling me a government regulated company is going to come out publicly and say “Well, quite frankly Mr President…we’re pretty much fucked”? Of course not. We never should have even given them the option. We should have taken the reins from day one. “Oh, you can handle it huh? Well, it sure looks that way from the 500,000 gallons of oil in the water. Now, get the fuck out of the way”

Instead, the entire federal government sat around with their thumbs up their asses while an ecological disaster of epic proportions just got bigger and bigger. There are more private fishing vessels dragging booms right now to try and save their livelihood then there are government ones. It’s literally so ridiculous that I can’t even believe it’s actually happening.

The President telling me that “BP is gonna pay for this” does nothing to help the wildlife that will eventually be sucking down super unleaded up and down the eastern seaboard, or prevent the utter thrashing of the marshes and beaches that will take years if not decades to undo. Neither does suspending new oil permits less than 2 months after you just opened up more land to offshore drilling. PR moves aren’t going to help fix this.

What will help is declaring a national state of emergency, and pulling every boat, raft, and spare cotton ball into the Gulf as fast as you fucking can. Ya know, like you should have done a week ago. If money isn’t an object when it comes to any of your pet projects, then it shouldn’t be an object when it comes to making sure our citizens can fish and swim in our own waters without coming out looking like a cast member from the Jersey Shore.

Get on the fucking ball my friend, because “Barry, yer doin a heck of a job”

Popularity: 61% [?]

My love…and hate for all that is Filipino

Posted by Chopper | News,Random | Sunday 2 May 2010 10:33 PM

Love: The attention. Man, they treat me like freakin gold here.
Hate: The attention. Sometimes I just want to open my own fucking door.

Love: The work ethic. These people take serious pride in their work. Even if you are a shit shoveler. Nobody half asses anything.
Hate: Filipino time. It’s like Chop time, but 10 times more frustrating. At least I get to work and meetings on time.

Love: My hotel staff. They all knew my name by the end of the first week. The cleaning staff alone deserves a medal.
Hate: Korean tourists. Rudest motherfuckers I’ve ever seen. They treat the staff like second class citizens. I need to learn how to call someone a douchebag in Korean.

Love: The weather. 85+ and sunny every day. It never rains this time of year.
Hate: The unforgiving smell of raw sewage after there actually is a big rainstorm.

Love: Buckets of San Miguel beer.
Hate: Empty buckets of San Miguel beer.

Love: All the big visiting music acts stay on my floor.
Hate: Having to hang out with the guys from Tears for Fears.

Love: Large amounts of cheap disposable goods. I bought new Vans for 11 bucks.
Hate: Filipino’s think all Americans are rich.

Love: That I have a new friend that’s an Ex-CIA agent.
Hate: That he was able pull my arrest record less than a half hour after I called his bluff. Well played Terry….If that IS your real name.

Love: The unwavering desire for my minons to follow my exact orders.
Hate: The inability for my minons to think on their own. Ever. They are so fucked when I leave.

Love: The Bars are open all night long.
Hate: Sunlight.

Love: Readily available supplies of Cuban Cigars.
Hate: How many I’m going to have to throw out when I get red-flagged at customs.

Love: Making up fake names at Starbucks. You’d laugh too if you ever heard an Asian say “Grande Cafe Mocha for Smegma”
Hate: When they remember your name as Smegma.

Love: Filipino bitches love me.
Hate: The fact that Filipino bitches REALLY love me. 

Love: $1 packs of cigarettes that taste like they used to before America made them double wrap them in paper so idiots didn’t burn their houses down.
Hate: It took me only a week of living here to totally fall off the wagon and really start smoking again.

Love: Diving in the oceans off the coast. Absolutely beautiful coral reefs.
Hate: Having to be careful since crazy Filipino’s still actively practice blast fishing. You would think the guy with one arm would try a safer method.

Love: The imaginary character that pays for everything that I named Mr. Hancock.
Hate: A guaranteed expense audit when I get home.

Love: Filipino cover bands. Never in America do you see bands big enough and egoless enough to have two singers and the talent to cover modern pop songs.
Hate: The idea that they think they can cover “Sweet Child Of Mine” and not make it sound awful.

Love: The Japanese TV channel. It’s just as funny as SNL made it out to be. Perhaps even funnier.
Hate: They edit the movies on TV for content here. I haven’t seen Cinemax or HBO titty in 7 weeks.

Love: Hot British business travellers that can drink like maniacs.
Hate: Yeah, there’s nothing to hate there. Nothing whatsoever.

Love: Redefining the American stereotype.
Hate: That the existing stereotype is set so fucking low that I impress people.

Love: That I leave for Australia in 7 days
Hate: The fact that I have to go back home and become a regular schlub again.

Popularity: 73% [?]