Randoms

Posted by Chopper | Random | Sunday 21 February 2010 9:20 PM

I realized the other day that Sarah Palin might just drive me to self-inflicted violence against my own eardrums. Her entire rise to fame does nothing but confirm for me the concepts that A: All of life’s limitations can me made up for with a nice ass, and B: A little more than 35% of my country is legally brain dead.

There aren’t too many things as painful as seeing people I’ve known half my life, talking about yellow ribbons on Fox news. Unfuckingbelievable. Thank god I’m from Northfield.

Speaking of Northfield: It still shocks me how no one ever realized what was really going on down at the basketball courts. Every once in a while the cops would come around, but it was usually just to pick up Terry on a warrant or something. There is no way that kids could ever get away with that shit today.

I find it quite intriguing that if you aren’t from a middle eastern country and fly a plane into a government building, you’re not a terrorist….you’re just pissed off. Apparently, white americans can’t be terrorists. I mean, It’s not those guys ever did any crazy shit in the last 250 years or so.

I still can’t decide if the National floors direct girl is hot or not. I don’t even hear what she says during the commercials anymore, all I hear is my internal monologue debating itself. “Yeah, she looks kinda cute…but her face is huge”. I think she needs to do a commercial in bathing suit, just to get me off the fence one way or the other.

The Winter Olympics are so fucking boring with the exception of hockey and snowboarding. No one gives a shit about Ice dancing. Well, at least no one who I want to have a conversation with.

Oh Tiger Woods. You almost have to be impressed at the poontang bender that guy went on. I’m still not sure how more athletes haven’t taken a life lesson from Derek Jeter. Jeets spent the last decade giving most of hot america the herp and no one seems to give it a second thought. Why? Because he’s not married. He should teach a class for new pro athletes called “Kids, don’t be stupid”

While I’m talking about New York’s favorite son, I just have to say how nice it is to go into baseball season as a resident of titletown again. I’m always so much more relaxed during a championship offseason. I’m not even being cocky, deep down I actually think this Yankee team might be better than last years.

Finally, anything Rajon Rondo says I need to be vaccinated for, I’m fucking getting vaccinated for. Tomorrow

Popularity: 100% [?]

I just watch it for the commercials

Posted by Chopper | Sports | Sunday 7 February 2010 11:03 AM

Alright, as a rule: I don’t like these people. You have to explain things to them.  But they make a good point, the super bowl has some pretty damm good commercials.

I think the best year was the first harvard ave superbowl party. Tech companies paid nonsense money for super bowl ads that year, which produced two of my most favorite commercials of all time. 

“You see the movies, you hear the stories…..I’m living the dream”

 

 

As a rule, if it’s got a monkey in it….It a pretty safe bet that it’s got my full attention.

 

Man, those were the days. Days I thought I would be driving a BMW by now. Stupid .com bubble.

Popularity: 88% [?]

Super Sunday

Posted by Chopper | Sports | Sunday 7 February 2010 10:37 AM

Well, it’s that time of year again where champions are made…..and children are scarred for most of their young adulthood. That’s right folks, it’s Super Bowl time.

Being a Bills fan on Super Bowl Sunday is like being a one legged girl at the prom. Even if you have the off chance of dancing with someone, you know you’re just going to end up falling on your face anyway. So, why bother?

It’s taken me about 15 years to really be able to talk about this and not get upset.

Alright, I can’t lie here…..I’m still fucking upset. I mean, what the hell? Really? You guys couldn’t have gotten one win? one measly win? A .250 winning pct would have fucking killed you? Instead, now I have to hop around Boston on my one leg while Jimmy from Revere gets to dance with the prom queen. Not to mention, do you have any idea what this does to me when yankee/red sox arguments spill over to football? I have to go sit in the corner and stare at the wall.

It’s at a stage where I’m almost happy to have them mired in mediocrity, since I don’t think I can handle watching another one. Part of it is my own fault. I still watch the NFL Films recaps of all 4 of them, every single year. It’s like a car accident. You just can’t look away. I mean, it was tough enough in my early teenage years. If the Bills played in one today? I feel like I’d be rocking back and forth on the couch, drinking beer through a straw, and not talking for 4 hours.

But for all my personal misery, I still love the damm super bowl. It’s our unofficial national holiday. I actually enjoy it a lot more being detached from it. It keep me from gambling with my heart. 4 years of homer bets can take years to undo.

So, without further ado…my 2010 super bowl sunday predictions.

I’d love to see the Saints win. I would have loved to see the Bills win too. Tough shit. Colts over saints, Colts cover the spread.

Manning has a record chasing game, and wins his 2nd MVP

Both teams score a crapload of points. (Take the over for god sakes)

Etrade will do the best commercial, even though the new talking baby sucks.

The Who will rock the house.

Boomer Esiasion will insult Dan Marino before I eat lunch.

I’ll see this at least 5 times

And I’ll watch Buffalo 66′ on my day off tomorrow and dream.

Popularity: 88% [?]

Randoms

Posted by Chopper | News | Wednesday 3 February 2010 6:50 PM

It’s good to see that the US military wised up and finally got rid of the “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy.  How being gay meant you weren’t allowed to get shot at by terrorists never really made sense to me. I tell you one thing: I bet Halloween parties on the base just got a lot more fun.

I swear I’m the only person on earth who doesn’t watch Lost. I waited too long, so it probably isn’t going to happen now. I’ll get the DVD’s, get through like season 3, and then some dickface will totally ruin the ending for me.

I feel like having the choice between living in Haiti right now and being “adopted” by Baptists is like starring in a real life “Saw” movie.

I hear Mike Tyson decided to re-record his own song for Haiti. It’s called “I am the world, I’ll eat your children”.

I come up with some really wacked out shit when I’m listening to the news while I’m getting ready for work. See above.

I have this overwhelming desire to run around the Tokyo Airport with a Godzilla mask on.

I figured out that the secret of facebook is eventually getting friended by every girl you ever dated, followed by thanking Jesus that you didn’t end up marrying any of them.

I’m going to get at least 10 angry emails after that statement.

I really hope most of them are creative.

It’s good to be back.

Popularity: 90% [?]