Computerworld- Apple CEO Steve Jobs today unveiled the iPad, calling the tablet a “magical and revolutionary” addition to the company’s existing lines of Macs, iPods and the iPhone.

Ok, so lets not even talk about the fact that this thing is nothing but an IPhone for people with chubby hands. Instead, let’s try and guess what the Apple branding and marketing folks are going to do for work after they all get fired tomorrow morning.

Apple has like 20,000 employees, and NONE of them watched Mad TV? Seriously? Nobody was like “Um, hey Steve? Yeah, so you might want to come up with another name that doesn’t sound like an internet-enabled feminine hygiene product”? I just can’t believe it. It’s like the modern day Pinto. Steve Jobs left a poor Asian boy in a tub full of ice without a liver to make this speech, and you guys named his new toy the iRag? If I worked at Apple, I’d spend the night saying goodbye to my family and practicing the Chewbacca defense.

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So, things have gotten kinda crazy for me since I stopped writing. About a year ago. I got this new fancy title at work. I won’t bore you with it, but I’m now managing all projects and new technology for my group……which pretty much both kicks ass and kicks my ass at the same time. I’m kinda lame, I work long hours, but considering what happened to the economy since I stopped writing..I’m not going to bitch. Ok, I’m still going to bitch….just not to people who don’t have jobs. I’m sensitive like that. 

But for all the changes at work, lets not gloss over the really big one: I’m moving to the Philippines for 10 weeks. Yes folks, get in your mail order bride jokes now…becuase come March 13th, I’m leaving on a jet plane to the other side of the world. My company has given me a great opportunity to build out a new division out in our remote office in Manilla, and I just couldn’t resist. “So wait, you’re going to pay me to live in a tropical climate in a luxury hotel for 3 months?” Oh yeah, that was a hard decision.

And no, I’m not outsourcing any jobs. It’s funny, because that’s always what people think about overseas work. What I am doing however is building a desktop support organization from scratch. In our alleged “global economy”, this is a like a resume’s wet dream. Not to mention, I get to build my own Filipino army as part of my quest for world domination.

Everyone claims I’m coming back married. That’s not going to happen. But if I had to wager on what’s going to happen, I would bet the house on something similar to Brando in Apocalypse now. Ya know, if I don’t end up beheaded or blindfolded in a grainy video on CNN screaming ” somebody get me the fuck out of here!”

It’s funny, I was totally cool about this whole trip until the other day, when my disaster and parasite obsessed sister in vet school started talking about Malaria. Now, she’s got me totally freaked out. Thanks Julie. Now I’ll be importing “Deep Woods OFF” by the gallon. I’m not coming back like Mr. Dennis. Not fucking happening.

Oh the bright side, I’ve set aside some travel time at the end to make my way around the landscape. As of right now, it looks like i’ll get to hit up Japan, Australia, and maybe Thailand or Singapore. Though, I’m not all that excited at the idea of me getting a little too drunk and ending up getting a rattan cane across my pasty ass a few dozen times. So maybe we’ll just stick to Japan and Australia. I’ll take it as it comes I guess. I just know that the chances of me being on that side of the world again is about the same as me buying a Miley Cyrus album, so I have to capitalize on the opportunity.

Yeah, so that’s the deal. Needless to say, I plan on using the site to document my time over there, and keep all my crew informed without spending hours on skype telling the same damm stories over and over again. Plus, still being a mouthy, antagonistic asshole…….even from 9,000 miles away. I’m just hoping they have internet access in Filipino prisons.

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Seriously, this Jersey Shore shit is just too much for me. I can’t even talk about it without getting disgusted.  What kills me is that I’m not sure how this whole thing is a new concept for people. There are generations of Jersey trash out there. Have you been to a Jets game before? Didn’t anyone ever see the old MTV True Life? I think it was called “My parents fed me gallons of lead paint before I grew up and got a beach house on the Jersey shore?”

There is literally no hope for these people. It’s at a stage where all you can do is isolate them and hope they don’t breed. Don’t believe me? 

This video was shot in the early 1990′s. So the kids you now see on the Jersey shore were actually born to these people.  They somehow actually managed to reverse evoultion. Someone should win a nobel prize for this. Or at least be taken out in public and beaten in the town square.

Now: You want to do a TV show? This is a TV Show!!

http://www.slate.com/id/2242202

But if love intervenes, Fitzy might have to choose between his love of hockey and his love of one special Massholina. Likes: his Boston Whaler, his beat-up Hartford Whalers hat. Dislikes: A-Rod.

(First blog + Jersey Guido’s + Massholes = Layup)

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Well folks…….It’s on. I’m back.

I haven’t written anything more than some smarmy Facebook updates in a pretty long time, so this is probably going to be more disappointing than the 2009 Buffalo Bills. Well, at least at first. But to be honest, I really don’t give a shit. This run is for me. The name of my site may seem odd to some people, but it’s exactly where I’m going with this. The stuntcock is known as the workhorse of the porno industry. He gets no fame, no fortune, he just does it because he loves to do what he’s good at.

I love to write. Plain and simple. Not to mention, I used to be pretty goddamn good at it. The beauty of this whole experiment is that I’m doing it on my terms. I bought my own webhosting, and built this site from the ground up. (alright, I stole most of the code, but whatever) I control all the content on Stuntcock. No Terms Of Service to violate, no rules to follow, no bullshit. Simply put: I get to do and say whatever I want…….with little to no recourse from anybody.

(Well, at least until I’m eventually sued by Warner Bros for copyright violations)

It’s still a work in progress, but sit back….relax….and enjoy the show. Because with all the shit that has happened in the world since I hung em up, I’ve got a lot of catching up to do.

(Oh, and feel free to click on a few of my ads. This shit doesn’t grow on trees ya know)

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