It’s like deja-vu, all over again.

Posted by Chopper | Random | Tuesday 17 August 2010 12:09 PM

Remember when I used to write? I remember. It was a warm and fuzzy time where I could work 70 hours a week, go out every weekend, sleep 5 hours a night, and bang out awesome blogs once or twice a week.

Well, that warm and fuzzy time is missing. If anyone finds it (along with my youth), let me know.

So, like all washed up hacks…it’s time to dig into the archives. I’ve decided that some of the gold that used to be on my old site needs to make it over to my new home. Maybe in a few weeks, you might even get something fun and original. But until then, enjoy my previous works of brilliance. Especially this next one….

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My love…and hate for all that is Filipino

Posted by Chopper | News,Random | Sunday 2 May 2010 10:33 PM

Love: The attention. Man, they treat me like freakin gold here.
Hate: The attention. Sometimes I just want to open my own fucking door.

Love: The work ethic. These people take serious pride in their work. Even if you are a shit shoveler. Nobody half asses anything.
Hate: Filipino time. It’s like Chop time, but 10 times more frustrating. At least I get to work and meetings on time.

Love: My hotel staff. They all knew my name by the end of the first week. The cleaning staff alone deserves a medal.
Hate: Korean tourists. Rudest motherfuckers I’ve ever seen. They treat the staff like second class citizens. I need to learn how to call someone a douchebag in Korean.

Love: The weather. 85+ and sunny every day. It never rains this time of year.
Hate: The unforgiving smell of raw sewage after there actually is a big rainstorm.

Love: Buckets of San Miguel beer.
Hate: Empty buckets of San Miguel beer.

Love: All the big visiting music acts stay on my floor.
Hate: Having to hang out with the guys from Tears for Fears.

Love: Large amounts of cheap disposable goods. I bought new Vans for 11 bucks.
Hate: Filipino’s think all Americans are rich.

Love: That I have a new friend that’s an Ex-CIA agent.
Hate: That he was able pull my arrest record less than a half hour after I called his bluff. Well played Terry….If that IS your real name.

Love: The unwavering desire for my minons to follow my exact orders.
Hate: The inability for my minons to think on their own. Ever. They are so fucked when I leave.

Love: The Bars are open all night long.
Hate: Sunlight.

Love: Readily available supplies of Cuban Cigars.
Hate: How many I’m going to have to throw out when I get red-flagged at customs.

Love: Making up fake names at Starbucks. You’d laugh too if you ever heard an Asian say “Grande Cafe Mocha for Smegma”
Hate: When they remember your name as Smegma.

Love: Filipino bitches love me.
Hate: The fact that Filipino bitches REALLY love me. 

Love: $1 packs of cigarettes that taste like they used to before America made them double wrap them in paper so idiots didn’t burn their houses down.
Hate: It took me only a week of living here to totally fall off the wagon and really start smoking again.

Love: Diving in the oceans off the coast. Absolutely beautiful coral reefs.
Hate: Having to be careful since crazy Filipino’s still actively practice blast fishing. You would think the guy with one arm would try a safer method.

Love: The imaginary character that pays for everything that I named Mr. Hancock.
Hate: A guaranteed expense audit when I get home.

Love: Filipino cover bands. Never in America do you see bands big enough and egoless enough to have two singers and the talent to cover modern pop songs.
Hate: The idea that they think they can cover “Sweet Child Of Mine” and not make it sound awful.

Love: The Japanese TV channel. It’s just as funny as SNL made it out to be. Perhaps even funnier.
Hate: They edit the movies on TV for content here. I haven’t seen Cinemax or HBO titty in 7 weeks.

Love: Hot British business travellers that can drink like maniacs.
Hate: Yeah, there’s nothing to hate there. Nothing whatsoever.

Love: Redefining the American stereotype.
Hate: That the existing stereotype is set so fucking low that I impress people.

Love: That I leave for Australia in 7 days
Hate: The fact that I have to go back home and become a regular schlub again.

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So, are you nervous?

Posted by Chopper | Random | Saturday 6 March 2010 9:20 AM

I’ve probably been asked that question no less than 50 times since this whole trip to the Philippines started coming together. Sure, there are great jokes to be made about Filipino prisons, being kidnapped, and the illicit sex trade…but I’ve never been even a little bit nervous about the whole thing. That is of course, until about 8:47 Thursday morning.

It’s weird. I was talking about all the crap I need to get done in the next 8 or so days, (Ya know, because who’s counting or anything) when I got the obligatory question: “so…are you nervous about going over there?”

And for the first time…..I actually was.

The thing is, it’s not for all the reasons I really should be nervous. Sure, it’s a foreign county that’s rife with natural disasters, political instability, petty theft, prostitution, robbery, and rampant poverty. But hey, I’m from Northfield. They kill hookers for sport there. I’m not worried about some crazy little Asian dudes trying to rob me with a broken coke bottle. What’s really getting to me, is what this all means in the grand scheme of things.

This is it. This is one of those infamous “dare to be great” moments that come along maybe once or twice in a lifetime….if you’re lucky. This whole thing is a culmination of my entire career in IT. If I succeed? The sky is the limit. If I fail? Lets just say my climb up the corporate ladder may stall out for a little while. Anyone who wouldn’t get a little nervous about that is either too stupid or too arrogant for their own good. God knows I dance around the line on the latter.

I’m guess I’m really just trying to keep it all in perspective. I’m pretty terrible at a lot of things. Keeping my opinion to myself, relationships, the ability to keep loose change off my bedroom floor…..the list goes on and on. But, I am damm good at what I do for a living. Obviously, I wouldn’t be getting sent over there if I didn’t earn it. I know I made a lot of sacrifices to get to where I am today. Weekends, Holidays, the latter half of my 20′s, and most of my sanity. But all those sacrifices, and a little bit of luck have suddenly presented this grand opportunity at my feet. I always said that all that crap would pay off someday, and despite my own doubts….I guess it actually has.

Anyone that knows me realizes that my self-proclaimed destiny for greatness started a long time ago. I guess it’s just weird to see life finally catching up with me.

So, am I nervous? Hell no. I can’t get started fast enough. As I’ve always said….It’s a long way to the top if you wanna rock and roll.

Now lets drink some beer.

Popularity: 100% [?]

Randoms

Posted by Chopper | Random | Sunday 21 February 2010 9:20 PM

I realized the other day that Sarah Palin might just drive me to self-inflicted violence against my own eardrums. Her entire rise to fame does nothing but confirm for me the concepts that A: All of life’s limitations can me made up for with a nice ass, and B: A little more than 35% of my country is legally brain dead.

There aren’t too many things as painful as seeing people I’ve known half my life, talking about yellow ribbons on Fox news. Unfuckingbelievable. Thank god I’m from Northfield.

Speaking of Northfield: It still shocks me how no one ever realized what was really going on down at the basketball courts. Every once in a while the cops would come around, but it was usually just to pick up Terry on a warrant or something. There is no way that kids could ever get away with that shit today.

I find it quite intriguing that if you aren’t from a middle eastern country and fly a plane into a government building, you’re not a terrorist….you’re just pissed off. Apparently, white americans can’t be terrorists. I mean, It’s not those guys ever did any crazy shit in the last 250 years or so.

I still can’t decide if the National floors direct girl is hot or not. I don’t even hear what she says during the commercials anymore, all I hear is my internal monologue debating itself. “Yeah, she looks kinda cute…but her face is huge”. I think she needs to do a commercial in bathing suit, just to get me off the fence one way or the other.

The Winter Olympics are so fucking boring with the exception of hockey and snowboarding. No one gives a shit about Ice dancing. Well, at least no one who I want to have a conversation with.

Oh Tiger Woods. You almost have to be impressed at the poontang bender that guy went on. I’m still not sure how more athletes haven’t taken a life lesson from Derek Jeter. Jeets spent the last decade giving most of hot america the herp and no one seems to give it a second thought. Why? Because he’s not married. He should teach a class for new pro athletes called “Kids, don’t be stupid”

While I’m talking about New York’s favorite son, I just have to say how nice it is to go into baseball season as a resident of titletown again. I’m always so much more relaxed during a championship offseason. I’m not even being cocky, deep down I actually think this Yankee team might be better than last years.

Finally, anything Rajon Rondo says I need to be vaccinated for, I’m fucking getting vaccinated for. Tomorrow

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